SORRY FOR NOT BLOGGING!!!!

SOOOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH HAS HAPPENED LATELY ITS HARD TO CATCH UP! HMMM.. I AM FINALLY WORKING AGAIN AT A USED CAR STORE. I HAVE NOW SOLD 13 CARS! IM IN SECOND PLACE WITH SALE BETWEEN 4 OTHER GIRLS WHICH IS PRETTY AWESOME IF YOU ASK ME! IM HOPING TO GET MY CAR BACK BY NEXT WEEK AND IM SUPER EXCITED FOR THAT, CUZ LATELY IVE BEEN WALKING/RUNNING TO WORK (WHEN LATE) LOL ITS BEEN A CRAZY ROLLER COASTER RIGHT FOR ME! BUT IT HAAS ALSO BEEN GOOD FOR ME I THINK..GOD DID IT FOR A REASON HE NEEDED MY EYES TO OPEN A LITTLE WIDER I HAVE BEEN PRAYING ALOT MORE AND BEING MORE THANKFUL FOR WHAT I DO HAVE..I TRY TO AT LEAST DO 5 GOOD DEEDS A DAY NOW EVEN IF ITS JUST SMILING AT SOMEONE OR SAYING HELLO WHEN I WALK BY. I'VE BEEN DOING ALOT MORE READING AND TAKING SOME ME TIME AND I WAS IN HIGH NEED FOR THAT! I'VE BEEN TRYING TO MAKE A 5 YR. PLAN BUT ITS VERY HARD CUZ IM NOT SURE WHAT IM SUPPOSE TO BE DOING NEXT YEAR! SO THATS BEEN MY GOAL THIS MONTH MAKE A 5 YR PLAN AND STICK WITH IT.. I THINK SENSE IVE MOVED BACK TO THE VALLEY IVE BECAME ALOT CLOSER TO MY FAMILY AND I LOVE IT I NEEDED IT AND WAS DIEING TO HAVE IT MY MOM HAS BECOME ONE OF MY BEST FRIENDS AND HAS CAME TO UNDERSTAND ME THE WAY I WANTED HER TO ITS BEEN AWESOME!
MY MOTTO
~GOD GRANT ME THE SERENITY TO ACCEPT THE THINGS I CANNOT CHANGE, COURAGE TO CHANGE THE THINGS I CAN, AND WISDOM TO KNOW THE DIFFERENCE ~~

may is just not my month my mom is sick my step dad has cancer my boy friend and i broke up and my room mates moved out........ i love that the lord has a great sense of humor lol well hopefully next month is looking better :)

dear daughter,
im sorry it came down to this i love you so much i hope all is well your a wonderful child of god who i will always love

love
me

i will up date soon trust me i have alot to say lately and this time im just going to let it all out :)

grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Grrrrrrrr

just moved to queen creek heres the new address 4148 e brighton way san tan valley az 85140

worry never accoplishes anythingwhen you have a problem, its best to concentrate on the solution to that problrm, not the problem itself

My daddy is an angel
written by chelsea in 6th grade

I am a father
I wonder if she misses me
i hear her sigh
i see her cry
i want to help her
i am an angel

I pretend i am there with her
i feel her sorrow
i touch her faith

i worry about my daughter that i left behind
i crry for my sort life that was taken to soon
i am missing all the years of her childhood

i understand that she will always be by my side in me
i say that i am alone in her
i dream that she is safe and happy i try to imagine what my daughter looks like
i hope she will never forget me
i am chelsea's daddy

so yesterday was fathers day it was probably the hardest fathers day so far it was the first time i went to my fathers grave alone. It was rough but well needed i prob. looked like a crazy person talkin to a grave stone cryin my eyes out but it was comfort to me and i needed that closure i never gave myself. growing up i never came to terms that my father was died it was really hard for me to understand it or want to come to terms that i never truelly got to know my dad. This year im tryin to better my self and come to terms with things i cant change the things around me but i can change the way i look at it. i love my father with all my heart and i hope he knows that and i hope he would be proud of me cuz that is one of my biggest fears is that im goin to go to heaven and he is going to sand by me and tell me he is disappointed in me and that is why im tryin to better myself this year its a working progress but im trying......

SO SOON...

I CANT BELIEVE LILY IS GOIN TO BE ONE NEXT MONTH.. IT JUST SEEMS LIKE YESTERDAY THAT SHE WAS JUST STILL A BUMP IN MY TUMMY! I THINK ITS A BITTER SWEET.. I KINDA DONT KNOW EXACTLY HOW TO HANDLE THE FACT THAT SHE IS GOIN TO HAVE A BIRTHDAY AND HOW BIG SHE HAS GOTTEN. I LOVE LILY WITH ALL MY HEART AND I HAVENT LOVED OR CARED FOR ANYTHING AS MUCH AS I DO WITH THAT LITTLE ANGEL. I REMEMBER WHEN I WAS IN THE HOSPITAL WONDERING AND WAITING TO SEE WHAT SHE WAS GOIN TO LOOK LIKE... WHEN I FINALLY SAW HER SHE WAS BEAUTIFUL SHE WAS 7 LB. AND 7 ONC. AND TOOK A VERY LONG TIME FOR HER TO COME INTO THIS WORLD! I REMEMBER LINDSAY AND MY AUNT AND MOM BEING THERE FOR ME THREW THE WHOLE THING AND HOW WONDERFUL IT WAS TO HAVE BOTH OF HER MOMMIES IN THE ROOM WAITING FOR HER TO COME.. I WAS SO EXCITED FOR LINDSAY TO BE ABLE TO HOLD HER DAUGHTER FOR THE FIRST TIME IT WAS SO NICE TO SEE THE EXPRESSION ON LINDSAYS FACE WHEN SHE SAW HER DAUGHTER I KNOW LINDSAY AND DANIEL WERE THE RIGHT PARENTS FOR LILY EVEN BEFORE WE CAME TO THIS EARTH I THINK LILY CHOOSE US AND I AM HAPPY TO SAY THAT I WAS LILYS BIRTH MOTHER AND LINDSAY AND DANIEL ARE HER PARENTS.

WELL.. SOME FUN INTERESTING STORIES DURING THE LABOR OF LILY...

I WAS TO BE INDUCED ON SUNDAY AROUND 3PM I WAS SO SCARED I ALMOST HAD COLD FEET GOING TO THE HOSPITAL MY AUNT HAD TO PRETTY MUCH DRAG ME TO THE CAR BUT BEFORE THAT I ASKED MY UNCLE TO GIVE ME LIKE 5 BLESSINGS EARLIER THAT WEEK... WHEN I GOT TO THE HOSPITAL MY AUNT WASNT GOIN TO STAY UNTIL LILY WAS BORN BUT MY AUNT DID DRAG MY MOM ASIDE AND TOLD HER "IF SHE NEEDS ME YOU BETTER CALL ME OR ILL KILL YOU" (I THINK SHE SAID SOMETHING ALONG THOS LINES) LOL MY FAMILY IS VERY PROTECTIVE.. SO WHEN I GOT IN THE LABOR ROOM THEY PUT ME ON POTOCINE AND MAN DID IT MAKE ME ANGRY AND THINK IT WAS MORE THE PEANUT GALLARY ASKIN IF I FELT EVERY CONTRACTION EVERY MINUTE THAT I HAD ONE AKA LINDS AND MY MOM LOL.. LOVE YOU BOTH SO FINALLY MONDAY COMES AND LILY IS ALMOST HERE IM LISTENING TO MY PINK FLOYD AND WRITING IN MY JOURNAL AND TEXTING IN BETWEEN PUSHES IT WAS A VERY RELAXED CHILL LABOR IF I MIGHT SAY SO LOL. GIVING LIFE TO A SWEET LITTLE GIRL IS A WONDERFUL FEELING BUT GIVING LIFE FOR AN AMAZING FAMILY IS ONE FEELING I CANT EXPLAIN I LOVE THE FACT THAT I WAS ABLE TO HAVE THE THOMAS FAMILY THERE FOR MY WHOLE EXPERIENCE IN THE HOSPITAL AND SEEING LOGAN JUST LOVE HIS SISTER AND NOT WANT TO LET GO OVER HER WAS PROBABLY THE CUTEST THING EVER.

PLACEMENT DAY...
PLACEMENT DAY WAS VERY SPIRITUAL.. I WAS ABLE TO HAVE MY FAMILY AND LINDSAY AND DANIEL AND THERE FAMILY THERE HEARING EVERYONES TESTIMONYS WAS SO AMAZING THAT WILL BE ONE DAY ILL NEVER FORGET LILY AND I BOTH GOT BEARS THAT MATCHED AND MY BEAR WAS NAMED LILY BEAR I LOVE THAT THING I PRETTY MUCH SLEEP WITH IT EVERY NIGHT (SO DOES LILY WHICH IS REALLY CUTE) I WAS VERY GRATEFUL TO BE ABLE TO WALK LILY TO DAN AND LINDS CAR AND BE ABLE TO SAY GOOD BYE ON MY OWN TERMS BUT GOOD BYE FOR VERY LONG..

WELL A YEAR HAS PAST AND LILY IS A VERY HAPPY HEALTHY BABY I AM JUST SO THANKFUL FOR THE THOMAS FAMILY AND BEING ABLE TO HAVE AN OPEN ADOPTION WITH THEM AND TO ALSO HAVE THEM AS MY GOOD FRIENDS

When the world says give up and reality says move on hope says try one more time and faith whispers keep holding on.......

Well...... I've decided to move to San Diego for a while! I might just stay for the summer but who knows i might stay there longer.. I think i need a break from Arizona for a while and i think this would be good for me i would call it a new beginnings! I'm very excited for this a little scared to leave everything and my family but i need to do it. I've been getting pictures of lily and oh my goodness she is getting so BIG i miss that little chunks she will always be part of me and my life even if she isn't physically there. I just cant wait what life holds ahead there in San Diego hopefully its all good things I'll probably be moving in the beginning of aug. so if you all want to get together before hand that would be great! I love you all thank you for eveything


peace & love you always

going to spend the weekend with my family i need to get away from things for awhile so the best place to do that is go watch movies with the ppl that truely love me :)

some news everyone should know

so the past couple of weeks ive been having horrible head aches and the back of my head was in alot of pain well i woke up yesterday morning and discovered a lump on the back of my head and it was very soft and hurt horribly bad i had one of my customers which was a nurse to look at it and she told me to go to the hospital so i went to the hospital and they are exactly sure what it is yet but hopeing its just an infection so im on meds right now but if its not that then they are going to look further into it and start doin cat scans but all i know is it hurts and its kinda big so everyone please keep me in your prays and hope thats its just an infection and nothing else thank you

so lately ive been just workin my butt off with no play but i have finally made my quota that i had to make a work so that is good now i get to keep my job yay!! so alot is new in my life i just got an apartment with a friend things are goin..eh there goin i will be startin school next sem. and not going to lie im a lil nerves.. amd right now my life is based on work or just readin cuz im just book worm times ten ive been to the singles ward lately and i feel like im goin to the meat market sometimes lol but i have made some really great friends out of going so thats always a plus love you all ill try and keep posted

WHAT I TRY TO TELL MY SELF EVERY DAY

GOD GRANT ME THE SERENITY TO ACCEPT THE THING I CAN NOT CHANGE THE COURAGE TO CHANGE THE THINGS I CAN AND THE WISDOM TO KNOW THE DIFFERENCE!!

lily bear........

how i miss you so much today
how i just want to hold you and hug you and give you all the kisses in the world
how im so happy you got your first two teeth but sad at the same time becuase i wasnt there to see you grow them
i love you lily and im glad you have a family who is able to take care of you and love you too the way i would of loved you
i miss you you and just want to hold you and i know that that is ok i know ill be ok i am still happy for what i did but i still have thos days

my life passing before my eyes......dec 19

someone i will always love she gave me life and hope

i love my crazy family

Sarurday i woke up very early not really wanting to go into work was very tired and have beeen talking about finding a new job cuz havent been feeling like i fit in with the ppl at work. Well as the day goes by so sllllloooooowwwww i had all the mean customers you could think of i had a lady yell at me for not giving out her daughters info on her account (witch by the way is not aloud) i had a confusing customer who was doing a huge money order cuz she was buying a new car and was asking me all these questions (i couldnt even answer one of her hard questions) she was from canada and was very scary. I even had only a 15 min lunch! I honestly didnt think this day could get any worse........I WAS WRONG!!!! Some where around 230-3ish i was the only teller up front it was slow during that time so the other tellers decided to do some of the closing duties so we would all get out on time. well aman walked in to my bank you could tell he was in a hurry i greeted him like i usually do (smile, welcome them to wells fargo and ask the customer how there day is goin so on and so forth) well the tall mexican i would say he was around 6ft 3" some what built walked up to me he was wearing a black BHER hat black plastic 80 style sunglasses a band aid over his nose with a red dot on it like rudolph the red nose and a meican style mustache he unfolded his deposit slip what it read was a big surprise to me it was something i never thought would happen to me it said: "NOALARAMS GIVE ME ALL YOUR MONEY" well after i read the horrible letter i hurried and turned around looking at my manager and then did what the man told me to i gave him my money......he kept rushing me telling me to hurrry and faster. Well my first drawer did not satisfy the scary man so he asked me for my second drawer i opened it telling him there was nothing in it he looked and then left the building. i stood in shock not knowing what just happen didnt know if i should cry or just be happy i was still alive. But that whole time it was happening all i could think about was im not ready to die i have a man i love whom i wanting to marry i have a daughter i would like to watch grow up (whitch ive decided to start a journal for her so she can have when she is older i would like her to know my side of the story) and i wanted to tell my mom how much i love her and how she is an amazing person who has gone thro sso much and is a stronger person because of it. I thank god for saving my life that day god gives me LOTS of trials to go threw and im unsure why he picked me to have as many as i do have but i do know he only gives us as much as we can handle. well im unsure if the man was ever caught i know that that got one guy that looked like the same guy but i wasnt for sure if it was him so i couldnt say yes. I had derek pick me up from work that day i could not drive after being in that kind of shock we ended up going to my familys xmas dinner whitch was super good but the whole rest oh the night i really thought there was someone out to get me i couldnt sleep the rest the night i know ill get over this but it was just so scary

Saturday and sunday our special days..........

Our silliness

Saturday drinking water having a blast was actually allot of fun!!!

Ah boyfriend your so good to put up with me lol sory for waking ya
ha ha derek you bum
This is our kinda sunday
EDEN!!!!
Can i say muffin top ;)
and this is why cooking takes forever....
we are so silly!!
So this weekend has been so much fun!! Derek parents went out of town to help paint a friends house so derek and i decided to have a fun enjoyable afternoon with each other. When we first got to his house of cousre we had to play with eden she is such a cute and precious girl. Then the hunger started to kick in and him and i are broke as a joke so we went to the store and we decided to make steak tacos!! yummy i know be jealous lol! Well cooking with him is just so much fun i love having someone i can be with as a friend and also a spouse. Well after that it was a pretty laid back sit on the couch with eden kinda day until we all decided to listen to some techno and dance enden is so funny when she dances its sooo cute! Well derek and i later that night were invited to go to buffalo wild wings with some friends cuz one of the night crew guys at the depot are moving...sad(tear) so it was more of a going away thing. Nothing beats drinking some water while everyone else is getting drink. Its quite entertaining how funny some ppl can be but it was alot of fun and im just glad i can still have fun with out breaking any of my morals.

~sunday~
Well news is im moving into dereks brother and sister in law for the time being so we decided to go to there ward today. Well it happened to also be primary program today and jona derek's nephew was so cute and funny!!! Now note to all the primary program ppl three year old cant sit that long so it would prob be best if you didnt make it so looooooooooooooooooooong...,but jona did a great job. The rest of the day has been a lay back and be lazy with derek kinda day sense im not to excited to be going back to work tomo and workin my butt off so i figured i would be a bum while i got the chance well love you all stay tuned for next time!!!
Pe@ce & Love

my family
my love
mad hatter
m-alice

the day lindsay brought me and belly lily jamba and ultra sound pics